When I moved to Los Angeles from London 25 years ago, I quickly saw up close that there is good cosmetic surgery and bloody awful.
Thanks to some good genes on my mother’s side, I wasn’t in desperate need to have work done and had what I thought was a brilliant plan for when the time came. I would ask anyone I thought looked fabulous what they’d had done, where and who did it.
I defy anyone who hasn’t walked past an upturned hand mirror and looked down to see a hideous reflection as gravity does its worst. I practiced in front of a mirror pulling up just a little bit of neck and jowl and immediately looked 15 years younger. Surely a couple of stitches on both sides would do it?
I began my research in earnest. Trouble is, I hadn’t factored in the level of dishonesty and unwillingness to share intel. After three youthful looking American beauties I asked feigned shock I should even ask and denied having had anything done, I realized that was a bad idea. Pretty little liars.
I had already ruled out Botox from looking at the abundant evidence. It might start off looking great and knock years off but, after a few years of regular use, Botoxed faces can start looking weird. No lines, but no movement either, until their faces look like a doll’s because they are too scared to stop and are in too deep.
I turned to my gorgeous friend, Lucy, for advice. Lucy’s name has been changed to protect her vanity. Lucy has been looking especially radiant after three Morpheus8 radio frequency and micro-needling treatments but that has to be topped up every year or so and faces can look bright red and sore for several days after.
Lucy has paid for 10 different consultations with top cosmetic surgeons on the east and west coasts of America for a mini face-lift where they pull up some jowl and turkey neck. I nearly choked on my decaf latte when she told me the prices she was quoted ranged from $50,000 to $250,000. That’s a crying shame, because my budget is $30K. Another friend with whom I shared my dilemma told me she knew someone who had a mini facelift and looks great. And it was less than $35,000. That’s more like it.
A $300 consultation with a Beverly Hills cosmetic surgeon, redeemable if I booked surgery, was helpful and I didn’t feel bamboozled into signing up. I was handed a mirror and asked what I would change about my appearance if I could. And I can. A little bit of a jowl and neck lifted, please. A mini-facelift, if you will. Crucially, I want to be recognizable as me.
The surgeon looks young and is beautiful by any measure. Flawless skin, too. She recommended an eye and brow lift as well. No thanks. Just the jowl and neck. She didn’t pull any punches—before and after photos of satisfied customers, and a diagram showing how the stitches go all around the face and behind the ears. The whole face has to be lifted off and up. There’s no mini about it.
While it’s an in-and-out-in-one-day procedure, someone has to pick you up and look after you for a few days (nursing facilities are available and can be recommended for a further fee) and you would not be ready to be seen in public for two weeks, maybe even a month. An actress friend shared that she was told she wouldn’t be ready for an on screen close-up for six weeks. And it hurts. My quotes were $32,750 (with the $300 consultation fee deducted, including the operating room and anesthesia) for a face and neck lift and bilateral lower eyelid lift — $26,800 for “just” the face and neck lift. This was a year ago so prices have probably gone up.
My husband didn’t want me to do it. He said (as all good husbands should, even if it’s not true) that I’m beautiful and he loves me just the way I am. But if I insisted on going through with it, he would pick me up after the op and take care of me while I convalesced. As I don’t like pain at all and my husband would never be able to unsee me looking like the Elephant Man for two weeks, I decided not to go through with it.
I’m hoping Joni Mitchell is correct when she sings “happiness is the best facelift.” I used my Facelift Fund to take my children and grandchildren on holiday to Australia instead, and we had a fantastic time. I’ve kept the surgeon’s number in case I change my mind.
