Let’s talk about self love and self care. These are big buzz words in the spiritual and personal development world these days. But what do they actually mean and what does this really look like? 

I often hear people saying they’re practicing self love by getting a massage or getting their nails done. And even though those things can absolutely fall into the category of doing something loving for yourself, there’s so much more to this concept. 

You see, to me, real self love is about loving yourself so much that you take the time to really check in with yourself—like check in with yourself in the way that you would check in with the person you love the most in the world. There’s a difference between flippantly asking a random stranger, “How’s it going?” versus asking your friend of 20-years, “How are you? Really? How’s it going? How’s your heart? How are your dreams? Is there anything you need?” The first way doesn’t typically even care for a response; the second truly cares and is patiently ready to listen and even take action to help. 

My definition of self love is about caring for yourself the way you care for the most precious thing in your world. 

Being truly caring and loving to yourself means taking the time to actually get quiet and ask yourself the question: “What would be the most loving thing I can do for myself right now?” Then quietly listening for the response. And I don’t mean your heady response; I mean the intuitive response, the Higher Self response to that question. 

For example, if Jane is feeling lonely, depressed, off-track from her own goals and dreams… she may ask herself, “What can I do today to really show myself some love and care?” If Jane is anything like me, her mind may quickly respond with, “Jane, you need dark chocolate, and lots of it, ASAP!” 

Although I’m a big fan of dark chocolate, let’s take a look at what’s really going on here. What’s really going on is that she is most likely missing her friends and family, and is feeling a little lost about herself at the moment. Chocolate may patch the wound temporarily, and she’ll feel a bit more calm. However, what Jane needs is something more substantial, more lasting, more truly loving. 

In this particular instance with our fictional, chocolate-loving Jane here, what would really feed her is for her to shift her energy and for her to remember her greatness. That would be a truly loving and caring – and more long-lasting – thing to do. What are some ways she could do that?  There are many, but here are few suggestions:  she could do some free-form writing to clear the negative mental chatter in her head, perhaps have a big cry to clear her emotions, and maybe connect with a trusted friend who will remind her of how intelligent, capable, and loved she is. 

Self love and self care look different for each person, and can change from moment to moment. It’s very possible that a mani-pedi is the perfect self care for you today, and that tomorrow’s self care would be to hire an accountant. There’s no way for anyone other than you to know the real prescription for you. It’s so individualized. Great healers are acute listeners and observers who are looking beyond the quick, surface issues or answers and addressing the root causes. 

You are the authority on you, so make sure you’re truly listening to your Higher Self and following through on the guidance that comes through. Love is ever-present. It is a frequency you tune in to, and all you have to do to love yourself more is to listen deeply, take aligned action, and move towards that frequency. 

*Feel free to send 85% or higher dark chocolate to the TNT office so we can test this theory out a bit more. 😉