For much of my teaching career, a few words of wisdom from Mark Twain graced our classroom walls. Like many motivational messages found in your average middle school, these words expressed the virtue of personal responsibility and the seriousness one should exhibit when attending to those responsibilities.
I took this part of my job very seriously; that, through American history, students would not only learn of our nation’s past but, if they would open themselves to the idea that embracing it all with spirit and attention to the duties as well as the rights of citizenship, one could become a decent and thoughtful member of our society.
Since my students were roughly the same age as Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn, two of Mark Twain’s most identifiable characters, I felt strongly that their daily presence during American History instruction—through the posterized words on the wall —would serve to inspire the children in my care to pursue a noble and informed path. I fully believe that Tom and Huck stand as exemplars of what should matter most as adolescents begin their maturation into adulthood.
One of the framed posters on the wall shows a sketch of Huck Finn leaning against a tree, Mississippi River flowing by, corn cob pipe at the ready, fishing pole resting on a rock, and clearly living the life of virtue we all hope to instill within our children. Bordering this serene moment are the words, “Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.”
This is the kind of thinking I like to squeeze out of my role models; not so much inspirational as satisfying. I have been a procrastinator my entire life and the results are as predictable as you might imagine; although I should mention that I have probably dodged a few more than my share. And who am I to demand timeliness when that virtue has escaped me time and again? And I’m not about to say, “Do as I say, not as I do.”
So, with Mark Twain in my pocket, I justify myself. “Let me explain, eighth grade student-of-mine. Procrastination is simply a way of telling those who expect that getting the thing done on time means that what they have asked of you matters to you. So, if they’re going to give you a deadline, they better damn sure make it known that meeting the deadline is important because, if not, you’ll probably have something else to do that is… like sittin’ agin’ a tree watchin’ the water go by.
“And if your other teachers don’t buy into this nonsense, eight grade student-of mine, here is the true virtue of procrastination, an oft-overlooked part of this lesson; when you’ve turned something in at the last minute, you’ve turned it in on time. It’s the next minute that becomes problematic. This is why, if you are going to be a procrastinator, you might as well be good at it and, of course, this will require practice.
I reflect upon this now after reading Mark Twain Speaking (1976) edited by Paul Fatout. While Mark Twain (1935-1910) is eternally famous for his written stories of Tom, Huck, and many others, he also spent several decades on the lecture circuit sharing his observations across the country and throughout Europe. In an age before radio and television, this form of entertainment, education, and—in Mark Twain’s case—enlightenment, an upcoming performance was often treated with great fanfare.
As is true in our various modes of entertainment today, it’s not just the words that matter, it is their delivery. Unfortunately, there are no known recordings of Mark Twain’s voice so what remains of his thinking comes to us primarily through paper and ink.
But there is more that might fuel our speculation about what it was like to have been in a Mark Twain audience. One, there are many newspaper accounts that describe his performance, particularly his drawl, his cigar, and his easy-going style that used pauses to great dramatic effect. Second, we have a 1934 audio recording of famed actor William Gillette, whose many gifts included impersonating celebrities. As a boy, Gillette was a neighbor to Twain and at one point, received a loan from the famous writer and speaker to launch his acting career. The audio is a short one but captures something special.*
Finally, that Mark Twain’s speaking moments continue to thrive within the public imagination is due almost exclusively to actor Hal Holbrook’s well-recorded stage performance impersonations from 1954 to 2017. Holbrook so astutely captures a certain Mark Twain spirit that, when I read the lectures in Mark Twain Speaking, I do so with my mind’s eye conjuring Hal Holbrook.**
Mark Twain’s enormous success as a public speaker derives from his unique and meandering style which gives the audience the impression that he is simply telling stories as he remembers them. To me, Hal Holbrook IS Mark Twain. His naturalness on stage imbues his oratory. Indeed, it largely defines it.
Both Twain and Holbrook are spontaneous story-tellers which belies the preparation necessary to pull it off. The evidence of this in Twain’s case is the volumes of written evidence which document his preparation.
This material is what Paul Fatout has used to recreate Twainian moments. As the editor writes in his introduction, I hope to “catch something of the spirit and tone of Mark Twain, along with much that he probably said.” These speech-preparation notes are gathered under a variety of titles that demonstrate the broad scope of Twain’s observations: “On Adam,” “Welcome to General Grant,” “On Foreign Critics,” “His Grandfather’s Old Ram,” “Pilgrims,” “Queen Victoria,” “Billiards Exhibition,” “The Babies,” “Huck Saves Jim,” “Congress,” “The Press,” “Copyright Law,” “Cartoonists,” “Training That Pays,” and so much more.
My personal favorite, unsurprisingly, is “Advice to Youth,” which includes a few more Mark Twain landmines.
“Always obey your parents,” Twain advised, “when they are present.”
“Be respectful to your superiors,” another pause, “if you have any.”
“If a person offend, and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measure…” Wise words wouldn’t you say? But then he adds, wait for it, “[S]imply watch your chance and hit him with a brick.”
And here’s some refreshing advice, not only to our youth, but to the dozens of mendacious folks that now fill many seats in our government. “Now as to the matter of lying,” Twain deadpans, “You want to be very careful about lying; otherwise you are nearly sure to get caught.” Mark Twain seems that he would not be so unsettled that politicians continue to lie today, as he sees this as natural as rain. The real problem is that they aren’t any good at it.
Hence, his advice to the youth back-in-the-day—as much as today, I’m sure he would warn—is to master the “art” of lying. “Some authorities,” he wrote, “hold that the young ought not to lie at all.” He adds that young people should approach this one with temperance and moderation “until practice and experience shall give them that confidence, elegance and precision which alone can make the accomplishment graceful and profitable.” As I read this one, I closed my eyes and heard Hal Holbrook add, “And THEN you can run for Congress.”
Both procrastination and lying are of the arts, and once they are properly attended to, young people will be able to navigate the treacherous waters of American life—then and now. When procrastination and lying are mastered, meaning, as Twain writes, “when you have got your [character] built… you will be surprised and gratified to see how nicely and sharply it resembles everybody else’s.”
So, for me, after some parents checked in to see if they had heard correctly; that I had been encouraging their child to procrastinate, my answer predictably prompted a face-to-face discussion. Meeting later as we sat down near my classroom desk, their eyes were drawn to the second poster… A bushy-headed, bushy-browed, bushy-lipped Mark Twain looked down upon us with sketched sagacity, and said to all who dare enter, “Never let your schooling interfere with your education.”
“Let me explain,” I said.
*Mark Twain Impersonator, 1934
**Mark Twain Impersonator,1954-2017 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Twain_Tonight!
