The topic of confidence comes up a lot in my private sessions. It’s like sex and money—everyone wants more of it.
I felt inspired to write this after a session with my favorite client today (they’re all my favorites, btw. Shhhhhh…). He’s absolutely brilliant, witty, attractive, has a beautiful wife, a great job, is fit and healthy, yet he’s been struggling with not feeling confident enough. This is obviously upsetting for him and holding him back from so many things. Perhaps you or someone you know struggles with this too.
Sidenote: When I was younger, I wrote an article about confidence. It was something cutesy like “15 Ways to Feel More Confident,” and the content consisted of things like “Wear clothes that make you feel your best,” and “hang out with people who are loving and supportive…” Walking into a crowded room wearing a sexy new outfit will do the trick on a basic level, especially if your peeps are there to support you by gushing about how amazing you look. Yes. Those are good tips and will definitely help boost your confidence on that level. I share this side note with you about that old article, because—growth!!! It’s proof I’ve grown at least a tiny bit wiser since then ☺ and as a society, we just don’t celebrate our inner growth enough!
What I want to share today is about reaching a much more substantial level of confidence, even if you’re wearing a gunny sack. The thing with true confidence is that it needs to live deep in your bones, not just on the surface of your skin. Marilyn Monroe was not the only pretty girl with a nice figure in her time, but she had a clear sense of self and owned it, and I believe that inner confidence is what made her so iconically appealing. She happened to be nice-looking, but true confidence has nothing to do with being attractive. I know a lot of people who are not conventionally beautiful, but they exude confidence, and that is what makes them an attractive force.
True, healthy confidence is about knowing who you are, and not being afraid to be yourself. It’s loving yourself with all your wonderful human flaws. It’s about unapologetically living your truth in the world. It’s also important to not confuse any of this with arrogance. Confidence is healthy and self-honoring. Arrogance is an inflated, false sense of self that attempts to appear confident, usually by demeaning others. There’s nothing sexy about that.
So, how do you become more confident?
Confidence is like a muscle. If you want it to grow, it requires your regular attention. Putting aside the stellar advice from my younger self of hiring a personal stylist, I’ve found that the best method for gaining more confidence is not what you’d think. The best way to become more confident is actually a regular practice of pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. This method builds a level of confidence no one can ever take away from you because it strengthens something even more important—self trust. When you truly trust yourself, confidence just naturally comes along with it.
It’s like this: every time you come up against things that are scary for you and you do them anyway, you experience a victory inside yourself! This tells your subconscious mind, “I’m capable.” This builds your self trust and confidence muscles at a profound level. As you move beyond each of your fears—big and small—you gain more and more trust and confidence in your capability to be the powerful creator that you are!
So, if you want to be more confident, do as Eleanor Roosevelt suggested: “Do one thing every day that scares you.”
Curious how this experiment goes for you. Drop me a line at olivia@oliviapool.com.
