Stephen Sideroff’s column was published as an essential read in Psychology Today on January 13. We reprint it here with his permission.
Flying in from Belize to Los Angeles yesterday, I was immediately confronted with the devastating fires sweeping across the region. My home in Topanga Canyon was evacuated, so I was not able to go home. Last night my community was right in the line of the fire. With strong Santa Ana dry winds of up to 50 to 60 miles per hour expected in the coming days, my emotions are going up and down with each change in wind direction. My heart goes out to all those who have already lost so much. Ironically, I had just published The 9 Pillars of Resilience: The Proven Path to Master Stress, Slow Aging, and Increase Vitality, and now I find myself practicing resilience based on my 9 pillars to navigate this experience effectively.
Embracing Emotional Balance and Self-Compassion
One of the crucial elements of resilience is allowing myself to experience all the feelings that arise in the face of this disaster. This is my pillar number 6, emotional balance and mastery. In times of crisis, emotions can be overwhelming, and it is vital to acknowledge and process them without judgment. It’s essential, as part of this process, to be compassionate towards myself, which is my pillar number 1, “relationship with self.” Compassion and acceptance have a way of lubricating the process of experiencing, expressing and then releasing emotions. Thus I can process my feelings to maintain emotional equilibrium and prevent painful feelings from spiraling out of control.
Cultivating Hope and Positive Mindset
It’s easy, during this dire situation, to go into catastrophic expectations. Imagining a worst-case scenario. I remind myself that the fire has not reached my community yet. I then shift into a hopeful and prayerful mode. This is my way of finding the best mindset, which is pillar number 5. Instead of getting stuck in negative thoughts and emotions, I focus on maintaining a positive outlook and envisioning a better outcome. This mindset shift is crucial for staying resilient and navigating through challenging times with strength and determination.
Many people will tell me this is difficult to do. The key here is recognizing that it’s the right approach, because it helps you maintain both emotional balance and hope. Therefore, as I tell my clients, if it’s the best approach, it doesn’t matter that it’s difficult.
Valuing Relationships and Community Support
The importance of relationships and community becomes even more evident during disasters. My 2nd and 3rd pillars emphasize the significance of maintaining healthy relationships and being part of a supportive community. Knowing that we are not alone provides immense comfort and reminds us of the strength we gain from our connections with others. Building and nurturing these relationships is a fundamental aspect of resilience, helping us to cope better with adversity.
Seeking Spiritual Support and Finding Meaning
Prayer and a relationship with something greater than ourselves plays a vital role in resilience. This is my pillar number 3. Spiritual support can provide solace and strength. When you combine this with finding meaning and purpose in your life, even amidst chaos, you can see past the disaster, to a more promising future. By turning to spirituality and purpose, I can draw upon a deeper sense of resilience and stay grounded in my beliefs, which provides a stable foundation during tumultuous times.
Practicing Physical Balance and Breathing Techniques
Taking time to breathe and focusing on physical balance is another essential aspect of resilience. Breathing at about six breaths per minute encourages parasympathetic recovery, which is my pillar number 4, physical balance and mastery. This practice helps to restore nervous system balance and allows me to think more clearly, reinforcing pillar number 5. By incorporating breathing techniques, I can manage stress more effectively and maintain a calm and focused state of mind.
Shifting to Gratitude
Amidst the chaos, finding a way to shift into a place of gratitude is incredibly powerful. Gratitude encourages optimal heart rate variability, contributing to nervous system balance. By adopting an attitude of gratitude, I can short-circuit any tendency to become negative or anxious during a crisis. Focusing on the positive aspects of life helps to foster resilience and maintain a constructive mindset.
Navigating the Path Forward
In the middle of a crisis, it’s easy to become overwhelmed with worry and anxiety. Our minds often gravitate towards catastrophic expectations, imagining the worst possible outcomes. However, it’s essential to recognize that our imagination can be more damaging than any truth. There is always a “best way” forward, which I refer to as “The Path.” Knowing this and actively searching for that path, supports positive and constructive thinking and behaviors.
By embracing the principles outlined in my 9 pillars of resilience, I can navigate through the challenges posed by the fires with a sense of strength and purpose. These pillars provide a roadmap for maintaining emotional balance, cultivating hope, valuing relationships, seeking spiritual support, practicing physical balance, and shifting into gratitude. Together, they form a powerful approach to resilience, enabling me and you to face disasters with courage and determination.
As I pray for those currently in harm’s way, I encourage everyone during these times of turmoil, to adopt a resilient approach and find “The Path” forward. Resilience is not just about surviving; it’s about thriving in the face of adversity and emerging stronger on the other side. Remember, I define resilience as the ability to bounce forward. Each challenge offers opportunities for lessons to be learned. By embracing these pillars, we can navigate the storms of life with grace and fortitude, finding hope and meaning even in the darkest of times. And continually bouncing forward.
About the Author. Topanga
resident Stephen Sideroff, Ph.D., is an
associate professor at UCLA and the
author of the newly released The 9 Pillars
of Resilience: The Proven Path to Master
Stress, Slow Aging and Increase Vitality
(2024).
