“Would you rather be happy or right?” is a powerful question and concept. If you’re not already familiar with it, here’s an example of when this might come in handy. If someone has a belief different from yours, you could either 1. Argue that you’re right, and they’re wrong, or 2. Say something that is more neutral, like “I hear you,” or “I can see how/why you think that way.” The second responses don’t say that you agree with them; they simply say that you acknowledge their point of view and you’re not disputing it.
To me, this falls under the Buddhist teaching of equanimity, which means staying balanced and at peace instead of fighting reality. It is also similar to the concept of radical acceptance, which is a psychological tool to help patients stop suffering by accepting facts they can’t control. The term radical acceptance was created by Dialectical Behavior Therapist and psychologist Marsha Linehan. It was made more well-known by the book of the same name (Radical Acceptance) by psychologist, writer, and meditation teacher Tara Brach. More recently, Mel Robbins wrote The Let Them Theory, which is the same basic concept of acceptance. This is a tried and true teaching that has had various wording over time.
I know in my life, I have spent much time arguing my point of view, completely convinced that I am correct and the other person is, of course, wrong. It’s amazing how much our need to be “right” drives our choices. Wars and religions and political stances are strong examples of this. One party feels so strongly that their beliefs are correct that they are literally ready to kill to be right. The strife and destruction this causes is enough to blow up and annihilate our entire planet. Imagine what the world would be like if we were all practicing radical acceptance of one another.
As you can see from this diagram, “truth” often changes based on our perspectives. It’s a powerful reminder.
I’m not a fan of just agreeing with someone’s differing point of view, but I am a fan of respecting that their opinion is different than mine.
Lately, I’ve experienced various situations when someone made a decision or said something that I didn’t agree with. In the past, I would have spent a lot of time and energy trying to get them to see it my way. I’d be so hellbent on being “right,” and get so caught up in my stance of righteousness that I would often forfeit my own peace of mind. I’ve been learning to be more radically accepting of the things, people, beliefs, and I’ve been experiencing so much more peace. It’s a daily lesson, which is simple but not always easy. I’m doing my best to choose being happy over being right. May this inspire you to also choose your own peace.
The Serenity Prayer also encapsulates this well.
Serenity Prayer
God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
