Suzanne Guldimann is the editor of the Topanga New Times, and also TNT’s resident naturalist. She was recently asked to give a talk on being…
“Just because someone carries it well, doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy.”
We live in a time of memes ruling social media, so I felt called to share this one as it resonates deeply with me.
Since we are all reflections of each other, I find that this resonates with many of my coaching clients too—they are all intelligent and highly capable bright lights who are doing amazing things in the world. They are high achieving, perseverant bad*sses who are often on the leading edge of new concepts, ideas, companies… They create things others are scared to create. They are the ones others go to for help and inspiration. They are amazing people, and they are still human beings doing their best. As the great Nietzsche said, “human, all too human…”
I’m writing this today for all of those capable beings that are so capable that it actually feels painful at times.
You see, one commonality I’ve noticed through decades of working with people is this: We all want to feel loved, heard, and understood. Period. ALL of us. That includes all of the superstar moms that just handle all the millions of things they’re juggling. That includes the entrepreneur who is also volunteering on the weekend. That includes your best friend who is exhausted from a long day of work and still holds space for your upsets in the evening. But these people are often the givers of the loving, hearing, and understanding. They are often not acknowledged and recognized for all of the things they do. They are rarely told things like, “I know how hard you’re working and please let me know what I can do to help you.”
I’ll share the quote again: “Just because someone carries it well, doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy.”
I keep my clients’ lives confidential so I’ll share with you one of my own stories. I remember a few years ago telling some people who are very close to me that I’m writing a book. One of them nonchalantly responded, “Of course you are,” and another said, “These things are easy for you.” Later on, in this very same conversation, someone else shared that they had started a new practice. They received lots of “oooohs” and “wows” and “that must be so challenging and exciting,” and several “we are so proud of you” statements.
I was a little offended (and let’s be honest—jealous) at the time, because the writing and sharing and sheer vulnerability of writing a book was not at all easy for me. Writing a book can be a giant endeavor, especially if you’re pouring your heart and soul into it. These people love me and always want the best for me. In their minds, they are giving me a compliment by saying they see me as capable. But this is what I want to share here again, “Just because someone carries it well, doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy.” I didn’t feel seen, heard, or understood by them at all.
This little write up today is dedicated to all of you highly capable souls out there.
I see you.
I know things are heavy and you’re still carrying them. I know you’re on a unicycle going up a mountain while juggling six different tasks and probably helping someone else up, all at the same time. You will succeed. You’ll somehow make it all happen, because you really are a bad*ss.
People are just used to you being so incredibly competent and capable, they sometimes forget your humanness. It’s okay. You’re also magnificently capable of being aware that they’re not aware and that they don’t mean anything by it. LOL.
I see you. I hear you. I understand you. I love you.
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