You know those people that leave a strong impression when you first meet them? Either you think they are just the coolest, most amazing person ever or you immediately have a strong dislike for them?
I invite you to bring one of each to mind—someone you really admire and someone you dislike.
That person you think is awesome—what do you admire about them? Perhaps you see them as confident, bold, strong, kind…
What about the person you dislike? What exactly don’t you like about them? Do you see them as being too loud or too self-centered?
As one of my teachers used to say, “If you spot it, you’ve got it.”
One of the most fundamental teachings of Spiritual Psychology says that “Outer experience is a reflection of inner reality.” Said more plainly, everything and everyone outside of you is a mirror—often mirroring something you are not yet aware of. This is called mirror work or projection work.
In positive projections, it is lovely news that the positive attributes you see in the person you admire are within you too. They’re so graceful. You see it because you also possess grace. If you didn’t already have that attribute, you wouldn’t be able to see it in the other. The negative projections aren’t as fun. It’s much less pleasant to think about the fact that the thing you dislike in the other person, also exist within you. Ouch.
Of course, the external experience is often expressed more largely in the other person. It’s easier to see their kindness, or their egotistical behaviors than it is to see those inside of ourselves. This is by design.
Another Spiritual Psychology principle is that all of our life experiences are here for our growth, upliftment, and learning. Life is the ultimate school, and if we approach every thing, every one, and every moment as a learning opportunity, we will find ourselves in a constant state of growth. And that is the destiny of all living organisms—growth.
As you interact with people this week, I invite you to be a neutral observer. Notice the people you have strong responses to. What do you admire? What do you judge? Are you willing to do the work to see and own those behaviors in yourself?
If you are able to, something magical will often happen. You’ll start to feel compassion wash over you, either compassion towards yourself for seeing something wonderful about you that you were not yet aware of. And if you were in a place of judgment, you’ll likely have more compassion and understanding for their “unpleasant” behavior because you will see how you also do that same behavior. It’s a beautiful practice because it brings a heaping dose of kindness and compassion all around.
